A
few days back one of my friend’s daughter got married. He is quiet close to me,
yet somehow I did not receive the wedding invitation.I was quiet surprised that
I did not receive the invitation card. As I was out of country a few days prior
to the wedding, I guessed he might have come to invite me, but because our
house was closed he could have gone back, hoping to call on me some other day.
He might have later forgot and got busy with the other wedding arrangements.
So, I did not take it as an issue.
Moreover,
I did not have any second thought of attending the wedding, as I felt that an
invitation card is just a formality and as a good friend it was not necessary
to expect such formalities.
Just
a day before the wedding, he called me and asked, whether I received the
wedding invitation. I told him, that I have not received the invitation, but
that is not a cause of worry as I have already decided to come for the wedding.
He said that he has missed out by some mistake and immediately rushed me an
invitation card.The wedding ended well and he and his family where very happy
that we came. In case, I had thought that he has ignored me or neglected me and
had stopped myself from going, I would have created a dent in the relationship,
irrespective of whose mistake it was.
A
few days later, I happened to take a psychometric test called FIRO-B which
stands for Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation Behaviour. This test
was very revealing of my relationship behaviour. Through the test, we are able
torank our relationship behaviour under 6 classifications, as follows.
1.
Expressed Inclusion: Initiates
interaction with others.
2.
Wanted Inclusion: Wants to be included
by others.
3.
Expressed Control: Tries to control
others.
4.
Wanted Control: Wants to be
controlled by others.
5.
Expressed Affection: Tries to be close
and personal with others.
6.
Wanted Affection: Wants others to be
close and personal with me.
In this article, I wish to share my insights based on
the first 2 classifications; i.e “Expressed Inclusion” Vs “Wanted Inclusion.”
This test revealed that my score on Expressed Inclusion
was higher than on Wanted Inclusion, which means that I do not really wait for
someone to come and ask me to join, an event or activity. If I feel it is
important or interesting, I voluntarily go and join. This wedding incident that
I have narrated here is a classic example of this. I Expressed my Inclusion, in
the wedding function, by not waiting to be invited.
If we ponder over, we would realise that, very often in
life, we miss out on some great experiences, by waiting to be invited. This
small stumbling block called EGO, really restricts us from doing the things we
would like to.
If you have been thinking, that you have not received a
call from one of your close friend for a long time, just stop waiting for the
call and make that call yourself and say, “Hi! Just called to check, if
everything is OK with you”. Your friend
would be more than happy, to receive your call and probably say, that he too
has been waiting for your call.
If you have been wanting to develop a social circle in
a new city, don’t wait for someone to come and invite you. Just check out, the
social clubs such as Jaycees, Rotary or Lions in your neighbourhood and get
enrolled asa member.
If you have been wanting to learn something new don’t
wait for someone to come and suggest a learning programme, just check out from
one of the many sources such as friends, internet or yellow pages and sure you
would find an apt programme as per your interest.
Break the ice as quickly as possible, so that the ice
does not keep freezing more and more. The quicker you initiate, the quicker you
start gaining.
The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. We
need to make out life meaningful. In order to do that, we have to make
ourselves useful to the world. We can make ourselves useful to this world, only
by volunteering to do good things. We may not be able to initiate every noble
thing, but when someone is doing something good let us not wait to be called,
rather let us go and volunteer ourselves to support the cause.
This quote aptly reaffirms this: “We are not as happy as we ought to be, because
we build more walls and less bridges in our relationships.”Our
relationships will get healthier and life will become more meaningful, when we
learn to Express Inclusion rather than Wanting Inclusion
Happy Reading,
D. Senthil Kannan
Article Dated Aug 2014
