EMPATHY THROUGH EXPERIENCE

Empathy as easily defined is “the ability to look at a situation from another person’s point of view”. Though easily said, off late I came to realize that empathy does not come so easily. It is only by undergoing the experience does real empathy come.

I was in China, a few days ago. Being a vegetarian, I found it extremely difficult to manage my food. But somehow God seemed to remember my childhood prayer, which I used to say “Oh God, give me my daily bread” and was kind enough to help me find some bread, here and there which helped me to survive in this land where not only the language was foreign but also the concept of vegetarianism was foreign.

Having had my own share of trouble finding vegetarian food, I had to travel to some smaller towns of interior china to visit a few factories. Even before I started the trip, I was mentally prepared to fast, in case I don’t get any vegetarian food. But still, as a courtesy when my business associates took me for lunch to a typical Chinese restaurant, I did not refuse the invitation. I just informed that I don’t take meat and that I need only vegetables. They seemed to respect my sentiments and ordered some vegetarian dishes for me. They also ordered for themselves some dishes, and we were waiting for the food to arrive. After sometime, 10 to 12 big bowls of different food preparations arrived. As I was not aware which were vegetarian and which were non-vegetarian, I asked my host and he explained each dish. One of the dishes was Snake with green vegetables. The moment I heard that, I felt a shiver down my spine. I am dead scared of snakes and the very thought of snakes disturbs me, but here I was with a group of snake eaters. Though inside my mind, I was sending positive messages that I should act composed, I could not. I was not able to eat any food thereafter. I am sure my host must have felt offended, by my behaviour. For them eating snake is a very common thing, but to me it was an altogether an undesirable experience. Even after we left the restaurant that thought was haunting my mind, for quiet a long time.

I related this incident, to some of my own behaviour, during my college days.  I have a very close, friend, who is a Jain. Jains as you are aware are ardent vegetarians. Whenever we used to go to a Veg – Non Veg restaurant he would say, “I am not coming in; you go have food and come. I will wait outside”. I used to feel that he is acting too fussy. I used to feel what is wrong in him coming inside and sitting with us. He can just come in and give company, even if he does not eat anything. This incident made me realize how he must have felt, during such situations. Probably, he might have felt the same way; I felt when the people around me ate snake.  I always had the confidence, that I understood my friend very well, but now I realize that I did not understand his true feelings.

Just to stress my point, empathy would be more genuine when experienced than just saying these nice sounding words,    “I understand how you feel”.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Jun 2007