Expectation Vs Reality

Disappointment, Frustration, Anger and all such related feelings, stem out of the same root cause. The root cause being, that many a time the reality does not match expectation or in other words the reality falls short of our expectations.

Let us examine the truth of the above statement in light of a few illustrations.

Your child is very intelligent, but somehow he does not score good marks when it comes to his academics. Every time, you hope he would score better next time, but the marks never seem to improve. In spite of your constant advice stressing the importance of marks, you do not see any visible result. You are disappointed.

You start a business venture, trusting one of your good old school day friends, who you have known for years. You have been pally pally all through your life. At some point of time during the course of business dealings, there is a misunderstanding between you and your friend.  He behaves very differently. You are shocked. His careless behavior leads you to a big financial loss.. You feel cheated. You feel betrayed. You experience disappointment.

One of your newly appointed manager, is able to show tremendous improvement in your sales volume. Your business starts to boom. You feel like a lucky star and start building so much faith on him, that you delegate most of your work to him and move into your comfort zone. All of a sudden, he hands over a resignation letter, because he is got a better package somewhere in a foreign country. You feel helpless. You sense a fear of your business future. You never thought, he would quit all of a sudden. You are disappointed.

Does any of this situation , sound similar to your experience. Well many of us would have had some unpleasant experience of this sort.

The expectation was we wanted our child to score good marks, our friend to be trustworthy, our staffs to be faithful, but in reality things did not happen the way we wanted it to happen. Repeated disappointments leads to frustration and this frustration leads to anger. Is it not? At the end of the day, we are either angry with others or angry with ourselves.

All external anger, when given a deep reflection will boil down to internal anger. We will realize that it was our mistake to trust someone or expect someone to behave in a way that according to our perception is right. But they were their own selves. And as always they will have their own side of the story for the purpose of justification.

The truth is, it is difficult for anyone to match our expectations. Expectations often lead to disappointment at work place, at family and amidst friends.  We expect our close friend to remember our birthday, but he may not call up. We expect our staff to be self motivated, but very often find ourselves pushing them to do the work. We expect our home to be always clean and tidy, but our kids throw up their things, all over the place. As an end result we end up with so many day to day disappointments, that life gets really frustrating at times

I am not advocating that we should not have trust, faith or expectations on anyone. But what we need to look at is the limitations of the people, from who we expect and manage our expectations accordingly. Your trust in people should be based on the tried and tested method. We need to assess their ability, their interest and their integrity before we could set our expectations on them.

Expectations are like a seed planted on soil. Before we plant the seed we should know whether that particular soil has the potential for the seed to grow into a tree. Once we are convinced and sow the seed of expectation, we need to water it with words of motivation and appreciation, and provide the sunlight of affirmation and confidence. Eventually, we will realize that more and more of our expectations, start to turn into reality.

In short, people management is nothing but expectation management.

Happy Reading

D. Senthil Kannan

Article dated July 2009

The Silver Linings

There is a beautiful English phrase, “look for the silver lining in the clouds”. I am actually witnessing a number of such silver linings, recently.

An unfortunate road accident, in Madurai ring road highway, had left my wife’s right arm fractured. The first silver lining was that, the accident did not kill any of us, nor any one in the car in which we collided with. As my wife was whining with pain, at the moment of the accident and I was trying to reach out to my relatives  through my mobile to get her transported to the hospital, one passer-by – a young gentleman cared to stop his car and volunteered to take us to the hospital. We took his help and made a quick exit from the accident spot. Here, was one more silver lining.

In just a day after the accident, my wife got operated and had a steel plate fixed in her arm to reconstitute the bone structure. With many relatives and friends visiting us at the hospital, we found a lot of solace. The feeling of being cared for and being important was another silver lining.

We mentally got prepared for a month long rest and healing time. There were just two issues which created a lot of unrest to us. One was the PALMS Summer Camp which was scheduled in the first week of May and the other one was the proposed family cum friends overseas trip to Thailand and Malaysia, which was in Mid May. After some contemplation, we decided to postpone the PALM Summer Camp to the last week of May. The holiday tour we had promised our kids, was the only concern left, unaddressed. With little worry, we told the doctor about our foreign travel plan. We had no clue that the doctor would give us a green signal. He said, that she will be perfectly alright in 10 days and she can travel anywhere, provided she takes a little precaution.  It was now a matter of our own choice. It was a great mental dilemma, whether to go or not to go.  Normally, any one would opt to cancel the trip and stay back. With mixed feelings we took a bold decision, to go ahead with the tour.  The decision turned out to be good. We enjoyed a great holiday abroad and came back recharged with a great feeling of accomplishment.  If we would have stayed back, we would have undergone more mental agony and depression. The tour created a positive mindset. The focus on pleasant experience made the painful experience minor. This again was a silver lining,  I should say.

It has always been me, telling my wife to do this and that. Now that she was unable to do many things, I not only had to do all my work by myself, but also had to assist her to do her work. However, I felt it was a great opportunity for me to serve her and pay back a little of her care. I realized how much, I have taken her for granted. We never realize the importance of electricity until there is a power cut. Similar, was my situation. This realization, I feel is one more silver lining.

I have read these words quite often - every experience has got something to teach us. This experience indeed taught us a lot. It helped us to realize the value of each other and the value of  our own life. This I think is the greatest silver lining of all.

Every one experiences difficult moments in life. It is the ability to bounce back fast that really matters.  We were able to bounce back fast, not only because of the miracle of modern medicine, but also owing to the love, care, support, motivation and prayers of our family members and our close set of friends and relatives.

Happy Reading,

D.Senthil Kannan

Article dated June 2009

How Much Customer Oriented Are You?

Recently I went out shopping for a mobile phone, for my dad who is 77 years young. For long, he has deserted himself from all personal techno gadgets like computers, mobile phones etc. By some surprise he became interested in having a mobile phone. He gave me a list of specs, that he needed in the phone.  The list goes like this. As he has some hearing difficulty, he wanted the mobile phone to have a loud ring tone and a high pitch headset volume, so that he could hear clearly. As his vision is weak, owing to his age he wanted the phone to have numbers in the dialpad that are large and visible, so that it is easy for him to key in the numbers. He wanted the phone to have a camera and a music player. He also insisted that the phone should be long enough to stretch from his ear to the mouth. And of course he wanted it to be a very easy to use handset, with not many commands and options. To top it all he gave me a shoestring budget of Rs.7000/-.

I started my search for a mobile phone that suits his description. Unfortunately, I could not find any in the market that exactly suited his specification. I spend quiet a lot of time in the internet to see many phone models of different brands, to see if I could find one which satisfies all the requirements. If it had one feature the other was missing, so on and so forth. I finally settled for a Sony R-306, which was the nearest match, I could find.

This shopping exercise made me realize that, while most of the companies are working towards catering to the need of the younger generation, not many companies really think of the senior citizens, who infact have a higher disposable income. While trendy phones with innovative features, such as GPRS, 3G, Bluetooth, instant messaging, PC sync captures the interest of the youngsters, there is a naive segment which needs mobile phone just to talk and stay connected.

Nokia, has been a trendsetter in customization. While I have been wonderstruck by their quick adaptabilty to the Indian market, in terms of offering mobile phones with Indian languages built-in its firmware and dial pad printing, it was indeed a surprise that there are no phones that are customized to the senior citizens.

I have heard that in the US there are specialized stores which stock and sell odd size items, such as  jeans, apparels, footwear, mattresses, cutlery, measuring cups etc which are of odd sizes not available in normal stores. This to a great degree talks about the demand for customized products.

My friend, Mr.Gopi who is a left hander shared a interesting fact that opened my eyes to something that I have never thought of before. He said that the world is not fair. It has created all things  for the right handers only. For example, all ready made shirts have a shirt pocket in the left hand side. This makes it easy for the right hander, to put in a pen and take it out,  but the left hander will find it difficult. Just try it. Is it not true?. Same is true with many more things, like the way buttons are placed in the shirt, the scissors knives, the tea cup handle etc. With around 7 to 10% of the world population being left handers, is it not a huge market we are talking about?. My elder son who is also left hander, is fascinated by the idea and he says that once he grows up, he will create things that will be specifically easy to use by left handers.

The future of  marketing is in customization. The Mc Donalds in India, makes a variety of Veg.burgers, whereas you find just one veg option in the USA. Same is the case with other food chains like Pizza hut and Dominos which serves tandoori style pizzas, in India.

There is a beautiful saying, “Necessity is the mother of all inventions”. It is only when such needs are felt that they are created. Empathy, therefore is not just a good quality but also a wonderful business opportunity. Customization can open doors to big business. Ask yourself, “How much customer oriented am I?”

Happy Reading,

 

D.Senthil Kannan

Article dated May 2009

We are All Equals

The PALMS 100^th programme was a grand gala success. Mr.Maaney V.Paul motivated the audience by his inspiring and heart touching speech. While having a informal chat with him, he discussed on a thought provoking concept called the human layers. I would like to share my reflection on those thoughts.

Human being can be primarily divided into three layers – the physical layer, the mental layer and the spiritual layer.

The physical layer is about our physical appearance, our material comforts and the social status we enjoy thereby. The physical layer differentiates us from one person to another. It either makes one feels superior or inferior to another.

Very often, we describe a person by his physical attributes. We say a short, fat man with a bald head or a dark girl with squint eyes, so on and so forth. This description of our self may not be so comfortable, but that is how the world looks at us. Unfortunately, not every man is handsome and not every woman is beautiful. Many of us find it difficult, to come out of this mind trap, and this to a great extent limits our confidence level. The confidence level ultimately determines our success level, as well.

Then comes the material status, in terms of the car we own, the house we live in , the property we possess and our life style. A man tries to establish his supremacy, in this world through his material status. The ego plays a very strong part in this layer.  If you look at it more deeply, you will realize that this desire has been there with us right from our childhood days. As kids we wanted to possess the best toys and wanted to show off to our friends, our newly acquired belongings. We used to take pride in our material possessions.  Is it not? Having grown up as adults, the game has not stopped. The game is the same, but only the toys have changed; instead of toy cars we have real  cars, instead of the plastic building blocks we own real buildings, instead of those battery operated toys we now like to possess the most modern electronic gadgets like laptop, mobile phone etc.

The mental layer is our second forte.  This is the not only about acquiring knowledge, but exhibiting our intelligence.  We learned and earned a number of degrees and proudly added them beside our name in our visiting  cards, to prove that we were one among the elite few. It gave us a great sense of pride, to call ourselves as an educated person, especially in a country like India, where the illiteracy level is so high. We like to be branded as intellectuals, think tanks, and master minds. We  gain a great sense of satisfaction, winning a intellectual argument and take pride in exhibiting our knowledge, even while discussing with friends and family members.

 Our tendency to dominate others either physically or mentally always prevails.

It is absolutely OK to desire to be rich, to desire a nice life style, to want to look more attractive, to become more knowledgeable, etc. The problem comes only when we say, I want to be richer than so and so….. or I want to prove someone, that I am greater than him in such and such a way. When in the name of comparison, we degrade somebody, we are committing a great human sin.  There is no need to look at somebody as an inferior in order to feel that we are  superior.

It is only at the third layer, i.e the spiritual layer there is no tendency to dominate. In this layer, there is nothing masking your true identity. Here is where we come in contact with our source and realize that we are no bigger than any body else. In this layer, we are no different from a beggar on the street or a madman in asylum. It is the same soul. Every soul experiences the same feelings of happiness, sadness, excitement, depression, fear, pain, anger, jealousy and so on. When we come to realize ourselves at this layer, our ego drops and we realize that we are a part of the whole and we have a responsibility to treat every one as equals.

It is good to often remind ourselves in this layer. Maybe in our daily prayer.  In a state of total surrender to our creator, let us remember this beautiful quote, “Once the game is over the king and the pawn goes to the same box”.

We are born equals and we will die as equals. So when we live, let us respect each human being, for what they are and not for who they are.

Happy Reading,
  

D.Senthil Kannan

Article dated April 2009

Let Us Not Turn Blind, To Blindness

I came across this piece of statistical information, from one of the websites, which I wish to share with you with a fond hope that you may like to consider the idea of donating your eye, after your death.

Eye donation is still not very popular among us Indians, because it involves an action after our death and very often considered a  social taboo.

 “There are currently an estimated 15 million blind people in India. 6.8 million of these suffer from corneal blindness with vision less than 6/60 in at least one eye, and of these, about 1 million have bilateral corneal blindness. If the present trend continues, it is expected that the number of corneally blind individuals in India will increase to 8.4 million in 2010 and 10.6 million by 2020. Of these atleast 3 million can be benefited by corneal transplantation. Thus, to effectively meet the ever growing demand, we need around 150,000 corneal transplants to be performed every year. However, the current supply is only 22000 corneas per year. “

Now this gives a great scope for many blind people to see, if more number of people volunteered to donate their eyes after death.

Of the many type of physically handicapped people, I come across in life, I have had a special empathy for the blind. Eyes are the windows to the world and it is quiet unimaginable to live a life, not experiencing the beauty of seeing God’s creations.

In my school days, I was a member of the Interact Club – the junior wing of the Rotary Club. During this period as a member, I used to visit the blind school on specified days and spend some time with inmates of the blind school. I used to serve their need of communicating with their loved ones, by writing letters on their behalf. As they dictate word by word,           I pen them down in inland letter sheets or post cards and send it out. In these moments, I have been able to experience their pain and emotions, as they share their thoughts and feelings through their letters.                    I 

cherished doing such acts of service, for it  gave me a great amount of soul satisfaction. It is at that age, I decided that I will donate my eyes to a blind person, when I die.

In my first year of college, on my 19^th birthday, I visited the Sankara Nethralaya Hospital at Chennai and informed them about my willingness to donate my eyes. They gave me a form and asked me to fill it up. After which they gave me a small card, which says, “I am an eye donor” with the name and phone number of the hospital. They asked me to retain this card, in my wallet.  It is like carrying ‘a will in your packet’.              I felt as if I have done a heroic deed, on that day. Only a little later in life, I realized that donating our eyes is not in our hands, but in the hands of our family members.

So along with donating our eyes, comes two additional responsibilities.

No.1, we need to educate our spouse and children the need for eye donation and our desire to do so. Because after our death it is they who need to take the action of calling the local hospital to come and collect our eyes. The eyes has to be removed within 6 hours of a person’s death. There may be a lot of emotional turmoil in the family, at that moment, yet they have to be calm and composed enough to willfully discharge our wish, and prove to be the real heros.

No.2, we need to take care of the eyes, we have volunteered to donate, by eating the right food, taking good rest and keeping it in ideal condition, so that it is useable.

Donating our eyes could be one of the noblest act of service we could do, because it can light up someone’s world with infinite possibilities. Let our eyes, that would otherwise be burned or buried along with our corpse, go for a better cause.

If this article could convince atleast a few readers to donate their eyes, I feel I have travelled a extra mile in  spreading the noble cause.

Happy Reading,

D.Senthil Kannan

 Article dated Mar'09

My Key Learnings

It has been my practice, that at the end of every year, I sit in silent contemplation and think of the major happenings in my life. I go through the track of events that happened in my life from the start of the year till the end, without any judgment whether the event was good or bad. Some events would have made us stronger, while some would have made as weaker. Some events would have influenced us in a positive way and some in a negative way. But more than just the events, what I sincerely try to figure out from this exercise is what are my key learnings for the year. As I did the same this year and my mind could deliver me three key learnings that I would like to share with you. To brief:·         Learning 1: I don’t have to reply to every question asked.
·         Learning 2: I don’t have to prove the world, what I am capable of.
·         Learning 3: I cannot satisfy everyone at the same time.
 Learning 1: We have always been conditioned to the thought, that whenever someone asks us a question, we need to give them an instant reply. It is probably due to the subconscious fear that, if we don’t reply, people will consider us immodest or incapable.  What I have realized recently is that we need not answer every question that has been asked to us. It is no more a school, and it is no more a teacher – student relationship, where every question carries a mark. There are times, when we don’t want to or don’t feel like answering a question. Many times a question can be asked, with an intention to trigger our response, which further leads to an unworthy argument. Sometimes, it is so disgusting that people keep asking us questions, with an intention to dig out, some of our close guarded secrets. In these situations, most often what we tend to do is give an answer with a sense of embarrassment or tell a lie to escape from the question.
 I have now learnt that I need not succumb to such annoying questioning. I think there is a third and better alternative, and that is to return a smile, as an answer to the questioner without telling a word. By doing so, most often, the questioner understands that we are not interested in answering the question and leave it there. But if he persists, you can just change the topic to something else. Learning 2:  We all share a common feeling and that is the feeling to prove the world, what we are capable of. We believe that the whole world is looking up at us with so much of anticipation and we need to prove them what we are capable of and if we  don’t prove them, they may think we are a  failure in life. But, if you look at it closely, you will realize that what you  call the “whole world” is hardly nothing more than a 100 people, who are your family members, your friends, your relatives, your colleagues and your business associates.
 Now, I have a new perceptive. The people, who I like to be called as my world, should be the ones who know what I am capable of and not those who need me to demonstrate my capabilities time and again to prove myself. I am matured enough to decide what to do and when to do. I don’t have to anymore do things, for the sake of proving my capability. I know my own capabilities and incapabilities. I know my strengths and weakness and because I know it, I try to spend more time focusing on how to overcome my limitations, rather than keep proving my strengths. Learning 3:  Our priorities in life keep changing. At different point of time, different things and different people become important to us. Life is expansive by nature and we need to be open to accommodate new events and new people in our life. When this happens, we need to accomodate the interest of more people, and therefore sharing our valuable resources such as our time, our efforts with everyone equally becomes very difficult. Ultimately, we end up not being able to satisfy everyone at the same time.  This leads us to feel guilty.
 What I now realize is that this desire to satisfy everyone at the same time is extremely stressful on me. Therefore the best alternative, is to choose the right thing to do at the right time for the right person and not worry about others. I trust that the people who know me, will understand me. They will know that I will be there for them, when they truly need me.  I allow them to trust me at their own will.                       I believe that, I have a positive balance in the emotional bank accounts of the people I have been close with. A little withdrawal, then and there will not cause much harm. After all, what is more important in today’s world  is quality time and quantity time. 

Happy Reading

 

D.Senthil Kannan

Article date Feb 2009

 

This Way, that Way or Your Way

I came across this interesting poem, titled, “The Paradoxical Commandments” written by Dr. Kent M. Keith. A article worth re-reading , chewing and digesting this timeless wisdom.

“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered; Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;  Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable;

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest mind; Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs; Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight; Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them; Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth; Give the world the best you have anyway.”

There are two types of people in this world, the externally referenced and the internally referenced people.

The  externally referenced people are those who constantly seek the approval of their family, their friends, their peers, their surrounding. For example, when they wear a new dress, they ask others does it go well on them; if they made a public speech, they ask some friends, did they speak well; when they make a decision, they look for a reassurance from someone. They are constantly looking for a feedback, for their actions.

The internally referenced people are those who make their own choice, irrespective of what others think or say. Whatever they feel that is good, they do it. Though they take feedbacks, they do not alter their behaviour, if they are not convinced within themselves.

Quiet interestingly, it has been observed that mostly, it is the internally referenced people who become leaders. It is those who possess a lot of internal conviction than external approval, who dare to become leaders. The people who seek approval, lose their enthusiasm and vigour when someone gives a negative feedback. They are so much worried about external criticism, that they very often do not take a initiative. We all know that greatest of scientific findings were initially criticized, condemned or mocked upon, but it is only those who braved against these odds, have become successful.

We are all a blend of both the qualities, but the trait that dominates our persona, is what dictates our life.

This poem is a classical illustration, that no matter what others say about you, you got to believe in your own self and realize your authentic potential.

Let the goodness in us, forever continue, no matter whether the world appreciates it or not. Be good, not to please the world, but to please your own conscience.

Happy Reading,

D.Senthil Kannan
Article dated Jan'09