Mindless Forwarding

With the advent of Facebook and WhatsApp, we all seem to have become instantly more knowledgeable as we receive a high dosage of information on our mobile phones, from a variety of sources, which includes so many text messages and multimedia messages. Call it forwarding, tagging or sharing, there is such an overload of information that we hardly find the time to go through all these forwards. However, this is the trend and we need to learn to cope with it.

As I was trying to figure out why people are so keen on sharing, I realised that all of us have innate need to keep in touch with our friends and most of us find these Medias helpful to serve the purpose. Every time we send out a message to a group, a list or an individual person, our name appears on their mobile screen and we find it as a way of reassuring our friends that we remember them.

No doubt many of the forwards we receive are interesting. Some are humorous, some are serious, some are informative, some are brain teasers, some are pranks, and some are sentimental stories and so many other genres of messages.

All these are perfectly OK. What worries me is the number of hoax messages that gets mindlessly forwarded. Every technology could be used for a good purpose or a bad purpose. So naturally we find that there are people who use these technologies for wrong purpose. They use it to propagate false information, pet ideologies and sometimes to manipulate the receiver to believe in some information which may not be true.

Sometimes, we receive some alarming message, such as a bomb threat, a virus outbreak or a disaster warning.  When we receive such messages, we instantly tend to forward it to our friends or groups, as a way of saying we care. But most often these messages are hoax and it just triggers a panic button, causing more harm than good.

Sometimes we receive some messages, which seem to be beneficial to the society and we tend to forward these messages with a good intention that the information will be of use to our friends and relatives, but again the fact is most of these are misleading.

Few months back, I received a forward stating that, “If you have left over food, after any marriage functions or party, you can dial a particular number and inform them about the excess food. They will come and collect the food and pass it on to the poor people who are hungry for food”. I felt that it was a good cause and I wanted to forward it to my circle of friends. But before that, I thought let me call the number and check out more details about this. So, I called this number. To my shock the phone call was attend by one police personnel. It was a police hotline number. When I asked the person him about this, he was not aware and he became suspicious about my call and started pondering me for more details. After, I explained everything clearly he understood the context and warned me not to believe in such hoax messages and not to mindlessly forward such messages. It was a good learning for me.

So irrespective of either it is a good message or a bad message, please take caution before forwarding. People can easily manipulate the truth, by creating false evidence. Half-baked knowledge is more dangerous than lies. Don’t believe any messages, on the face of it. Do some research on the internet and find the truth.

Let us make sure we do not engage in mindless forwarding.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Sep 2014

EXPRESSED INCLUSION

A few days back one of my friend’s daughter got married. He is quiet close to me, yet somehow I did not receive the wedding invitation.I was quiet surprised that I did not receive the invitation card. As I was out of country a few days prior to the wedding, I guessed he might have come to invite me, but because our house was closed he could have gone back, hoping to call on me some other day. He might have later forgot and got busy with the other wedding arrangements. So, I did not take it as an issue.

Moreover, I did not have any second thought of attending the wedding, as I felt that an invitation card is just a formality and as a good friend it was not necessary to expect such formalities.

Just a day before the wedding, he called me and asked, whether I received the wedding invitation. I told him, that I have not received the invitation, but that is not a cause of worry as I have already decided to come for the wedding. He said that he has missed out by some mistake and immediately rushed me an invitation card.The wedding ended well and he and his family where very happy that we came. In case, I had thought that he has ignored me or neglected me and had stopped myself from going, I would have created a dent in the relationship, irrespective of whose mistake it was.

A few days later, I happened to take a psychometric test called FIRO-B which stands for Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation Behaviour. This test was very revealing of my relationship behaviour. Through the test, we are able torank our relationship behaviour under 6 classifications, as follows.

1.      Expressed Inclusion: Initiates interaction with others.

2.      Wanted Inclusion: Wants to be included by others.

3.      Expressed Control: Tries to control others.

4.      Wanted Control: Wants to be controlled by others.

5.      Expressed Affection: Tries to be close and personal with others.

6.      Wanted Affection: Wants others to be close and personal with me.

In this article, I wish to share my insights based on the first 2 classifications; i.e “Expressed Inclusion” Vs “Wanted Inclusion.”

This test revealed that my score on Expressed Inclusion was higher than on Wanted Inclusion, which means that I do not really wait for someone to come and ask me to join, an event or activity. If I feel it is important or interesting, I voluntarily go and join. This wedding incident that I have narrated here is a classic example of this. I Expressed my Inclusion, in the wedding function, by not waiting to be invited.

If we ponder over, we would realise that, very often in life, we miss out on some great experiences, by waiting to be invited. This small stumbling block called EGO, really restricts us from doing the things we would like to.

If you have been thinking, that you have not received a call from one of your close friend for a long time, just stop waiting for the call and make that call yourself and say, “Hi! Just called to check, if everything is OK with you”.  Your friend would be more than happy, to receive your call and probably say, that he too has been waiting for your call.

If you have been wanting to develop a social circle in a new city, don’t wait for someone to come and invite you. Just check out, the social clubs such as Jaycees, Rotary or Lions in your neighbourhood and get enrolled asa member.

If you have been wanting to learn something new don’t wait for someone to come and suggest a learning programme, just check out from one of the many sources such as friends, internet or yellow pages and sure you would find an apt programme as per your interest.

Break the ice as quickly as possible, so that the ice does not keep freezing more and more. The quicker you initiate, the quicker you start gaining.

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. We need to make out life meaningful. In order to do that, we have to make ourselves useful to the world. We can make ourselves useful to this world, only by volunteering to do good things. We may not be able to initiate every noble thing, but when someone is doing something good let us not wait to be called, rather let us go and volunteer ourselves to support the cause.

This quote aptly reaffirms this: “We are not as happy as we ought to be, because we build more walls and less bridges in our relationships.”Our relationships will get healthier and life will become more meaningful, when we learn to Express Inclusion rather than Wanting Inclusion

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Aug 2014

What we can learn from the Filipinos

Last month, I had the opportunity to travel to Philippines to visit my son, who has gone there to pursue his medical education. The name of the place I visited is Davao, which is the largest city in Philippines in terms of geographical area and 3rd largest in terms of population. Davao is considered as the cleanest city with the lowest crime ratein Philippines, which means it is a safe place for overseas travellers.

Philippines is a nature lover’s paradise with beautiful beaches and bountiful greenery making it an ideal tourist destination.

I have always believed in the philosophy, that there is always something to learn from anyone and everyone, in the world. Every country has its own unique cultural identity, which makes it different from others. So, I was having a keen eye on finding, what we could learn from the Filipinos.

What striked me most was the level of hospitality and courtesy, the Filipinos show towards their guests.

The Ministry of Indian tourism, has as its marketing tag line, “AtithiDevoBhava”which means 'Guest is God'. The idea is to emphasise that we need to treat foreign tourist with great respect and courtesy.But in reality,quiet a number of foreign tourists who visit India, go back home with bitter experiences, of being cheated by auto/cab driversor a bad attitude of the tour guide or the uncourteous behaviour of the public.I felt this tag line,more aptly suits the Filipinos. They really, seem to treat their Guests as Gods. They look up at guests with utmost respect. The way they smile, greet and show courtesy is truly beautiful.

As I walk into the hotel, right from the security, the bell boy, the receptionist, the helpers all greet with a smile, bow down and wish the guest in a rhythmic tone. The way they say “Good morning, Sir” or “Good morning, Mam” looks more like a song, rather than just a phrase.The first time, it looked artificial, but over the course of time I realised that it was the same pattern, wherever I went.It sounded nice and makes us feels good.

The Filipinosseem to be veryhumble people. Though they have Filipino as their native language, everyone seems to be comfortable in speaking in English, which makes it easier to communicate. They speak in a soft, pleasing tone. I did not see a single Filipino speaking in an aggressive or harsh tone. They are extremely polite and courteous.

Though most of the shops are located in the big malls, even in the street side shops I did not find bargaining anywhere.This to a great extent saves the anxiety of travellers, in terms of not being exploited.

The cab drivers get friendly with us, by initiating a conversation, as we get on with our travel. They also care to open the door and wait for the customer to be seated comfortably, before they move the car.

Whatever duty they perform, they seem to do it with a smile. There is no frustration or bad attitude towards the work they are doing. When we give them a tip, they gratefully acknowledge it, by saying “God bless”.  It does not look like just words from their lips, but deep from their heart. I could see the level of poverty in their eyes, when they gratefully acknowledge the money given to them. Philippines is very much a poor country like India.Though their currency rate is marginally higher to the Indian currency, the lifestyle of the Filipinos depict that they are much poorer than India. Still they are a bunch of happy people, from whom there is a lot we can learn.

To sum up, the good things we can learn from the Filipinos are:

·        Showing respect to all;

·        Greeting everyone with a smile;

·        Being polite and courteous with Guests;

·        Always speaking in a soft, pleasing tone;

·        An Attitude of Gratitude; and finally

·        No matter what you are going through in your life, present yourself to the world with a smile and right attitude.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Jul 2014

WHY BE A KING, WHEN YOU CAN BE GOD

Nowadays, it is a trendamong youngsters, to keep updating their whatsappstatus to reflect their moods or to just express what they are feeling. A few days back, my son had updates his whatsapp status as “Why be a king when you can be God”. When I saw it, at first sight I got a feel that it was an arrogant statement to make. When I asked him, he said it is just a line from an English pop song and there was nothingin particular about him of having it as his whatsapp status. As I was contemplating the sentence, I could realise that there was a very strong message behind the words.It is quite common for someone to aspire to be a king, but to aspire to be God is something way beyond expectation. It is like asking, why do we have to settle for something small, when you can become something higher?

If we take a closer look at people and their aspirations, we can predominantly classify them into two types: One type of people are those who are material oriented, and the other type are those who are spiritual oriented.

The material oriented people are the ones who aspire to be KINGS. They are generally self-oriented. They crave for leadership positions, social recognition and public admiration. They achieve this by striving hard to be the No.1 in their chosen field.For them their dreams, their goals and their achievements are important, than anything else. In the process of achieving their goal, they hurt many people but to them that is a part of the game. To them winning is everything.We find this type of people in every field, be it business, politics, sports, cinema or any other. We hear phrases such as “King of Cricket”, “King of Bollywood” so on and so forth. The pomp and glory of being a Supremo, gives these type of people immense pride and delight. A typical example, is Lion which is called the King of the jungle.It holds its status as a King, not only by its might but also by being ruthless when coming to deal with an opponent. There is no empathy. Kill or be killed is the law of the jungle. In their world MIGHT IS RIGHT.

Then there is the other type of people, who are spiritual oriented. These type of people are notself-oriented, whereas they are people oriented. They work hard to make others happy. They do not bother much about their own welfare, whereas they are always concerned about the welfare of those around them. They are not selfish, jealous, greedy or egoistic. Their love energy flows in the form of selfless service and touches everyone they come across.A typical example is the Cow, which is considered a holy animal. The cow is selfless in service by its nature. They plough the fields, they pull carts, they give milk not only to their calf but also to human beings. They work for the benefit of others. In their world, RIGHT IS MIGHT.

History has many stories of people who have transcended from KINGS to SAINTS, because at some point of time they found a divine calling which was more appealing than their worldly pleasures.

We have heard the story of Lord Buddha. He was born as a prince and lived a very luxurious life. He indulged in all the worldly pleasures and enjoyed the life of a King. However at  some point of time, as he got exposed to the realities of life he understood the futility of being a King and went in search of the eternal truth and became a Saint, and ultimately became a God.

The story of King Ashoka, also reveals of how he transformed from a ruthless warrior to a noble ruler, after seeing the bloodshed and tears of innocent people in the war of Kalinga. He realised the fallacy of war and chose to transform and govern his kingdom based on the principles of dharma. It is this period that is called as Golden era in Indian History. Even today,Ashoka is remembered for his good works, that he did in the later part of his life.

Thelyrics of a Tamil song, goes like this: “Manidhanenbavandheivamaagalam”, which means Man has the inherent capacity to become God. Does it mean, anyone can be God? Perhaps, YES, if we are willing to take the hard path of righteousness. It is difficult, but not impossible.  It is just a matter of choice.It is not a position to aspire for but just a state of mind to attain.

Think it over – “Why be a King, when you can be God.”

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Jun 2014

NEED FOR MORE COUNSELLORS, THAN DOCTORS

Stress is the No.1 killer of the 21^st century. This is the phrase we hear, quiet often nowadays.  So, what is this stress? Well, while there are so many definitions for stress, putting it in simple words, “Stress is the difficulty, a person faces to cope up with a challenging situation in life”.

Doctors confess that more health problems that they diagnose today is owing to mind related issues such as stress, anxiety, depression etc. A number of diseases such as heart attack, blood pressure, diabetics, head ache, mouth ulcers, insomnia and many more are now attributed to stress.

So, where does stress come from? It comes from all sides and in all forms, right from our corporate life to our family life. Wherever we are and wherever we go, there is a lot of expectation from us, and we in the process of trying to fulfil these expectations end up getting stressed.Right from young school going children to old people, stress seems to have spared no one.

Well, how does one cope up with stress? There are many advice from experts, right from engaging in some physical exercise, doing yoga and meditation, going to a spa, engaging in social activity, reading self-help books, listening to music, engaging in a hobby of your interest and so on. While I agree with all the above, the best way I feel a person can relieve his/ her stress is by talking to people, whom they can trust. When we are going through a challenging situation in life, we all feel a need to share it with someone who is willing to lend an ear, and listen empathetically to your situation and also give you the courage to face the situation in an appropriate manner. Sometimes, all it takes is a little reassurance or a friendly advice.

In earlier days, we had such a supportive mechanism in the form of joint families, where members of the family had an opportunity to share their problems, anger and disappointments with fellow family members and seek solace. With families becoming smaller, and everyone in the family pursuing their own careers, there seems to be a constraint of quality family time. The next best option was our close set of friends, to whom we could share what is going on in our lives.But the sad truth is that, they too do not find time to listen to our story. They themselves have a lot of issues to face and they are in a hurry. This does not make it conducive for us to open up ourselves, freely to them.

Everyone is in look out for someone, whom they can fully trust and confide their thoughts and feelings without being judged, commented or ridiculed.It is in this scenario, that the role of a psychological counsellor comes to play. A counsellor is a neutral person.He is there to help us. He is not judgemental. He gives us a patient listening. He gets paid for his time and his expertise in helping us open out ourselves.By way of questioning, he helps us to introspect and gain a better clarity of our own situation. Quiet often we are blind to our own fault and our vulnerable areas. The counsellor helps us become aware of our stumbling blocks and aids us in making the right decision.By doing so, he helps us feel much better and gain a better perspective of life.

When such sort of help is available, why not take it. What is holding us back? We are all conscious about our physical health. If we fall ill, we go to a doctor and take the needed treatment. But when it comes to mental health, we do not take the effort to address them. Stress is a mind related issue and a little help from a counsellor, will make us feel much better. But somewhere, we have wrongly learnt that sharing our problems with others is a sign of weakness. It is not true. Also, there is a lot oftaboo, associated with visiting a psychological counsellor.People think only mental patients are taken for psychological counselling.  Again, it is not true.

Counselling is just, “helping by talking”. All of us need this sort of help at different points of time. Let us be bold to address these issues, by talking to a counsellor, rather than allowing it to pile up,and ultimately resulting into serious health related problem.If you are going through any stress or mental agony, don’t hesitate to take the help of a counsellor.It will definitely do you a world of good.

In my opinion, the world today is in need of more counsellors than doctors, because most of our present day health problems, are mind related. We have heard this age old quote, “a healthy mind in a healthy body”. The reverse sounds even truer, “a healthy body is a result of a healthy mind”. So, if you need healthy body, take care of your mind.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated May 2014

The 5 Point test

With the National Elections round the corner, we are witnessing high level of election campaigning, strategic alliances and a plethora of election promises. All National and Regional level political parties, have plunged into the foray to prove their might. Winning the election by hook or crook, seems to be every party's agenda. And as always, the common man is left confused, as to whom he should cast his valuable vote.

Election is the crucial time when every citizen of this country gets an opportunity to make a choice, as to who should lead this country. That is the beauty of democracy. The decision we make, will decide the fate of the country, for the next 5 years and it is our duty to make a sensible choice, so that we would not regret it later.

As I was deliberating, on whom I should vote I had mixed thoughts and feelings. Should I vote for the National party which I like? Should I vote for the State party that I think can bring positive transformation to the State? Should I vote for the party that has the highest chance of winning? Should I vote for the most eligible candidate irrespective of which party he contests for?.I think all of us go through a similar dilemma. After much thought, my mind was convinced about the last option. I made up my mind to vote for the candidate who is most eligible, irrespective of which party he belongs to. To determine this I created a simple 5 point test, which I hope would help us take a right decision, as to whom we should vote for.

Is the candidate a SON OF THE SOIL : The chances are that, a person who is the son of the soil will have more concern for his home constituency than any person who is from elsewhere. This is because every individual has an emotional attachment to his home town and he would be also aware of the sentiments of the people and their needs. Also as he would have grown up in the same town, he would have been witnessing the developments happening so far and also the areas of concern that needs priority action.

 Is the candidate CLEAN: This is the most difficult question, for someone to pass. The political ambition of many candidates is to make money, by using their newly acquired power. The person may not have any criminal records against him, but still he may not be a clean person. It is easier to know the credibility of a person, if he is from our own town because we can back track his origin and family background. Let us make sure the candidate whom we vote, is not a greedy, small timer who is looking at making quick money. Rather let us choose someone who has proved his concern for the society by contributing, even before attaining any political status.

Is the candidate COMPETENT : This again is a vital question. Not all good people or competent people. Like any other profession, certain skills are needed to be an effective leader. Let us look for educated people, who have enough intelligence to discriminate the right and wrong and take the decision based which is fair to all. Rather than having a political leader, who highlights the problems, we need leaders who are able to think about intelligent solutions.

Is the candidate able to RAISE HIS VOICE : I have had the opportunity to see a live session of the parliament proceedings once, when I was at Delhi. With the amount of booing and arrogance the ruling party exhibits, it becomes difficult for a candidate from a minority party or an independent candidate to raise his voice, during the session. He does not get heard. Eventually the person gets discouraged and decides to become a silent spectator. The candidate should be someone who does not give up, but endures to push his point and make sure action is taken.

Is the candidate a SECULARIST? A secularist is one who does not have any bias or prejudice towards any religion, caste or section of people. Caste based voted is the order of the day. But that is not a right decision. A good politician, should be someone who is fair to all concerned and not indulge in favouritism to a selected segment of people.

If someone would qualify all the 5,you can go ahead and vote confidently. Even if not, let us vote for someone, who has the maximum eligibility based on these criteria's.

There is a general tendency to vote for our favourite party, and not for the right eligible candidate. My request to all is, Vote for the candidate you feel is most eligible and not for the party. A good candidate, even if he is an independent, can still go a long way in bringing about a positive difference.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Apr 2014

Fire Lighters Vs Fire Fighters

As a training organiser of an Outbound training programme for a group of college students, I went to   Thenmala Eco Tourism, in Kerala. This Eco Park has different zones pertaining to different interests, such as Adventure Zone, Leisure Zone, Deer Park, Butterfly Garden and so on.

We started with our visit to the Adventure Zone, which has a number of adventure activities like flying fox, river crossing, rock climbing, mountain biking, pedal boats, spider nets, free fall, rope bridge etc. All students were excited and many of them tried their hands on different activities.

One such activity was called the Spider net. The activity is about climbing a crisscrossed rope net which was hung almost vertically, and one has to walk up the net, stepping on each rung of the rope, to reach the top. The nature of the activity is not all that risky, but not that easy too. It needs some stamina and will power, to climb up. While a number of students were happily engaged in the activity, one student was hesitating to do that, though she seemed interested. Observing her, I could realise what was stopping her from not venturing into the activity. It was her own excessive body weight. Inevitably the mental block and fear associated with it was visibly seen. I could sense a disappointment in her, for not being able to engage in the activity.

I gently asked her, “Don’t you want to try this”. She said, “I want to, but I am not sure if I will be able to make it. I am afraid, that I may fall down or the net would pull off”. I told her that the activity is quiet safe and encouraged her to try. After getting a little reassurance from me, she gathered some courage and embarked on the activity. From the time, she started I kept giving comments like, “Good”, “Keep it up”, “You are doing great”, “Just a little more to go”, “You can do it” and so on. Within a few minutes, I was amazed by what happened. Step by step, she made it to the top, though with some difficulty. As she reached the top, I could see the blush in her face, of having accomplished something great. I felt happy for her.

After getting down from the activity, she told me, “No one has ever encouraged me, like this. Whenever I want to try something of this sort, everyone around me discourages me by saying, ‘You cannot do this’ or ‘This is not for you’. You were the first one to say, I can do it. I wanted to prove your words right and so I did not give up. She thanked me profusely from her heart.

I was overwhelmed with her words. What I had done was a very little thing, but the impact it created in her was immense. I was glad that I have made someone’s day. It was indeed a good feeling to know, that I had been instrumental in helping someone overcoming their mental block. It gave me a first-hand experience of realizing, what motivation can do to someone.

This experience made me to ponder over this thought: How often do we discourage people when they are trying something new? It happens consciously or unconsciously an umpteen number of times. Though we may do so, out of our genuine concern for them, most often it becomes a stumbling block for their growth. Our own fears or preconceived notions of life, when thrust upon others, cripples them.

If you observe closely, you would notice that there are predominantly two types of people. One are the fire fighters, who light up the spark in us and other is the fire fighters, who put off the spark in us.

Ask yourself, am I a fire lighter or a fire fighter.  If you are a fire lighter, it is great. If you are a fire fighter, then kill the inner instincts of discouraging others by your words. By being a little mindful of what we say, we can make the shift.

We play many roles in our life, such as a spouse, a parent, a teacher, a friend, a sibling, a relative or whatsoever and we have a significant influence in their lives. So, whatever role we play, wherever we go, let us decide to be afire lighter, who kindles the spark in others and help them to overcome their limitations. By being a fire lighter, we would be doing a world of good, to our near and dear ones.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan

Article Dated Mar 2014