Dear Readers,
October 1, is
celebrated as “International day of Older persons” and so I thought fit to pen
down my thoughts, on how we can take care of the elderly in our evolving life
style.
India is known for
its joint family system. It is something westerners are awestruck about. It is
even difficult for them to imagine how so many relationships such as
grandparents, parents, sibling, daughter in laws, children and grandchildren live
together in a same house and peacefully co-exist. But that is the specialty of
our country. However, the trend is now changing and like western countries,
India is slowly moving from joint family system to nuclear family system. Not
many elders are able to come to terms with this change happening, because it is
something new to them. It makes them feel insecure. Like all changes this
change too is painful to many, but we need to accept the new reality.
One of the inherent
cultural practice, of our country is taking care of our parents at old age. It
is an unwritten rule in our country that, the son should take care of his
parents, at their old age. It is based
on a simple principle of ‘give’ and ‘take’. As a small child, we were dependent
on our parents to take care of all our needs right from physical support to
emotional support. So as a grown up, when our parents grow old and reach a
stage of dependency, it is our moral responsibility to take care of them. So
this has been a practice for many years.
However, in the
current context this has become a cause of concern, as the son, finds it hard
to balance between the needs of the parents on one side, and the needs of their
spouse, children and career on the other side. In a choice between past
responsibilities and future aspirations, it is always our future aspirations
that take our priority. There is nothing wrong about it. Everyone aspires to
grow in their career and make a mark for themselves in this world. The sad part
is opportunities are not always available in one’s home town or nearby locality.
So this creates a need for people to migrate to different cities, states or
even different countries in quest of pursuing their dream career.
So, when such
opportunities come, there is a moral dilemma, From the son’s side he does not
know how to leave the parents and go. From the parent side, they have always
wanted to been an enabler of their child’s growth and not an obstacle to their
growth. It is a tricky situation on both sides. So, what could be the solution?
If such a situation
arises. I think that the RETIREMENT HOMES are an ideal choice. There is an
ongoing debate everywhere, as to whether it is right to leave our parent’s in
retirement homes? There are many people who criticize such acts, as being
selfish, insensitive and ungrateful. This fear of social criticism, makes it
difficult for many children to take this decision. We need to understand that
to care for the elderly, should come out of our heart and not for the sake of
social approval. Anything done out of compulsion loses the spirit of the act.
So, this idea of Retirement home, is a WIN-WIN situation for both the parent
and the son. There is no doubt, that it would be great if children can take
care of their parents, however not everybody is lucky enough to take care of
their parents at their old age.
So, rather than having
to leave them alone in a house, where there is no one to take care of, it is
much safer for elders to live in retirement homes. It also, gives them a sense
of dignity. They can mingle with people of their same age, make friends,
cherish old memories and live in peace.
To take it one step
further, I would say that it would be a lot easier, when this idea of moving to
a retirement home is a self-initiated choice of the parent rather than an act
of the children. This gives them the feeling of voluntary choice and not a
compelled act. A parent is someone who has always been on the
giving side to their children. Why should old age demand a role reversal? They
can very well, bless their children to progress in their life and retire with
dignity.
Happy Reading,
D. Senthil Kannan
Article Dated Oct 2015