My Key Learnings

It has been my practice, that at the end of every year, I sit in silent contemplation and think of the major happenings in my life. I go through the track of events that happened in my life from the start of the year till the end, without any judgment whether the event was good or bad. Some events would have made us stronger, while some would have made as weaker. Some events would have influenced us in a positive way and some in a negative way. But more than just the events, what I sincerely try to figure out from this exercise is what are my key learnings for the year. As I did the same this year and my mind could deliver me three key learnings that I would like to share with you.

To brief:

·         Learning 1: I don’t have to reply to every question asked.

·         Learning 2: I don’t have to prove the world, what I am capable of.

·         Learning 3: I cannot satisfy everyone at the same time.

Learning 1: We have always been conditioned to the thought, that whenever someone asks us a question, we need to give them an instant reply. It is probably due to the subconscious fear that, if we don’t reply, people will consider us immodest or incapable.  What I have realized recently is that we need not answer every question that has been asked to us. It is no more a school, and it is no more a teacher – student relationship, where every question carries a mark. There are times, when we don’t want to or don’t feel like answering a question. Many times a question can be asked, with an intention to trigger our response, which further leads to an unworthy argument. Sometimes, it is so disgusting that people keep asking us questions, with an intention to dig out, some of our close guarded secrets. In these situations, most often what we tend to do is give an answer with a sense of embarrassment or tell a lie to escape from the question.

I have now learnt that I need not succumb to such annoying questioning. I think there is a third and better alternative, and that is to return a smile, as an answer to the questioner without telling a word. By doing so, most often, the questioner understands that we are not interested in answering the question and leave it there. But if he persists, you can just change the topic to something else.

Learning 2:  We all share a common feeling and that is the feeling to prove the world, what we are capable of. We believe that the whole world is looking up at us with so much of anticipation and we need to prove them what we are capable of and if we  don’t prove them, they may think we are a  failure in life. But, if you look at it closely, you will realize that what you  call the “whole world” is hardly nothing more than a 100 people, who are your family members, your friends, your relatives, your colleagues and your business associates.

Now, I have a new perceptive. The people, who I like to be called as my world, should be the ones who know what I am capable of and not those who need me to demonstrate my capabilities time and again to prove myself. I am matured enough to decide what to do and when to do. I don’t have to anymore do things, for the sake of proving my capability. I know my own capabilities and incapabilities. I know my strengths and weakness and because I know it, I try to spend more time focusing on how to overcome my limitations, rather than keep proving my strengths.

Learning 3:  Our priorities in life keep changing. At different point of time, different things and different people become important to us. Life is expansive by nature and we need to be open to accommodate new events and new people in our life. When this happens, we need to accomodate the interest of more people, and therefore sharing our valuable resources such as our time, our efforts with everyone equally becomes very difficult. Ultimately, we end up not being able to satisfy everyone at the same time.  This leads us to feel guilty.

What I now realize is that this desire to satisfy everyone at the same time is extremely stressful on me. Therefore the best alternative, is to choose the right thing to do at the right time for the right person and not worry about others. I trust that the people who know me, will understand me. They will know that I will be there for them, when they truly need me.  I allow them to trust me at their own will.  I believe that, I have a positive balance in the emotional bank accounts of the people I have been close with. A little withdrawal, then and there will not cause much harm. After all, what is more important in today’s world  is quality time and quantity time.

Happy Reading,

D.Senthil Kannan
Article dated Jan'10

Does it make a Difference?

A few days back, while I was travelling from Chennai to Tuticorin by train, one incident happened which kept me thinking for a while. As you would be aware the food vendors, pick up food orders in the train and deliver it to us at some particular station. So, I ordered for a food parcel and the same was delivered to me after Chengelput station. The vendor asked me for Rs.30/-, which I happily paid.

One of my co - passenger, who had not been talking with me till then, asked me a question. He asked what was the price printed on the wrapper box of the food parcel. I saw and said it is Rs.27/-. He asked me, why I paid Rs.30/- and did not demand the balance amount of Rs.3/- from the vendor. I did not have an answer. Infact, I myself had not noticed that there is difference of amount being charged and the price printed on the pack. Even if I had seen, I am not a person who would have insisted on the change, because of my general generous behaviour.

He told me, “You look like a educated person and you itself do not question such things. If literate people like you don’t question, what is the plight of the illiterate people, who do not know to read or write”. He added that people were exploited because they do not dare to question the wrongs happening around them. I did not feel hurt by his remarks, but I felt quiet guilty for a moment. The guilt arised out of his words, “literate people like you”.  For a moment, it opened my eyes to a fact. It showed the amount of faith and trust the common man has on the educated segment, who he thinks will take India out of the darkness to light.  In this case, it was not the meagre Rs.3/- that mattered, but the question of social responsibility.

It is not OK, to just keep blaming the politicians and higher authorities for the mishappenings around us. It is perhaps because we succumb to such situations, so easily, more and more mistakes are happening. It does not necessarily mean, that we should pull a fight with each and everyone, to justify our rights, but trying to be assertive enough to stress our rights.

Happy Reading,

D. Senthil Kannan
Article Dated Jan 2010