It has been my practice, that at the end of every year, I sit in
silent contemplation and think of the major happenings in my life. I go through
the track of events that happened in my life from the start of the year till
the end, without any judgment whether the event was good or bad. Some events
would have made us stronger, while some would have made as weaker. Some events
would have influenced us in a positive way and some in a negative way. But more
than just the events, what I sincerely try to figure out from this exercise is
what are my key learnings for the year. As I did the same this year and my mind
could deliver me three key learnings that I would like to share with you. To brief:·
Learning 1:
I don’t have to reply to every question asked.
·
Learning 2:
I don’t have to prove the world, what I am capable of.
·
Learning 3:
I cannot satisfy everyone at the same time.
Learning 1: We have always been conditioned
to the thought, that whenever someone asks us a question, we need to give them an
instant reply. It is probably due to the subconscious fear that, if we don’t
reply, people will consider us immodest or incapable. What I have realized recently is that we need
not answer every question that has been asked to us. It is no more a school,
and it is no more a teacher – student relationship, where every question
carries a mark. There are times, when we don’t want to or don’t feel like
answering a question. Many times a question can be asked, with an intention to
trigger our response, which further leads to an unworthy argument. Sometimes,
it is so disgusting that people keep asking us questions, with an intention to dig
out, some of our close guarded secrets. In these situations, most often what we
tend to do is give an answer with a sense of embarrassment or tell a lie to
escape from the question.
I have now learnt that I need not succumb to such annoying
questioning. I think there is a third and better alternative, and that is to
return a smile, as an answer to the questioner without telling a word. By doing
so, most often, the questioner understands that we are not interested in
answering the question and leave it there. But if he persists, you can just
change the topic to something else. Learning 2: We all share a common feeling and that is the
feeling to prove the world, what we are capable of. We believe that the whole world
is looking up at us with so much of anticipation and we need to prove them what
we are capable of and if we don’t prove
them, they may think we are a failure in
life. But, if you look at it closely, you will realize that what you call the “whole world” is hardly nothing more
than a 100 people, who are your family members, your friends, your relatives,
your colleagues and your business associates.
Now, I have a new perceptive. The people, who I like to be called
as my world, should be the ones who know what I am capable of and not those who
need me to demonstrate my capabilities time and again to prove myself. I am
matured enough to decide what to do and when to do. I don’t have to anymore do
things, for the sake of proving my capability. I know my own capabilities and
incapabilities. I know my strengths and weakness and because I know it, I try
to spend more time focusing on how to overcome my limitations, rather than keep
proving my strengths. Learning 3: Our priorities in life keep changing. At
different point of time, different things and different people become important
to us. Life is expansive by nature and we need to be open to accommodate new
events and new people in our life. When this happens, we need to accomodate the
interest of more people, and therefore sharing our valuable resources such as
our time, our efforts with everyone equally becomes very difficult. Ultimately,
we end up not being able to satisfy everyone at the same time. This leads us to feel guilty.
What I now realize is that this desire to satisfy everyone at the
same time is extremely stressful on me. Therefore the best alternative, is to
choose the right thing to do at the right time for the right person and not
worry about others. I trust that the people who know me, will understand me.
They will know that I will be there for them, when they truly need me. I allow them to trust me at their own will. I believe that, I have a
positive balance in the emotional bank accounts of the people I have been close
with. A little withdrawal, then and there will not cause much harm. After all,
what is more important in today’s world is quality time and quantity time.
Happy Reading
D.Senthil Kannan
Article date Feb 2009